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The Green Mountain State, Vermont

Writers Block

Well, I pulled out the guitar again today and just sort of messed around for a while. I can't seem to get anything up and running these days. I've got several things started and even a couple almost finished, but even those seem stuck where they are. Nothings quite so frustrating as having writers block...
I'm not sure if it's that I'm just not inspired at the moment, or if my brain is so preoccupied with other crap that I'm unable to get enough of a focus to be creative. The problem is I feel like I really need to be writing. I feel constricted and anxious like there's something trapped inside my whole body and I need to get it out before I pop like a grape - nice image, I know- it's hard to describe, but that's how it feels right now. There are times when I wonder if I'm ever going to write anything again. I know that part of it is that the more you accomplish as a writer, the bigger and louder the Editor Who Lives In The Back OF My Brain becomes. Everything has to be better than the last things, and I find that I can't even rough draft anything without being ultra critical...Maybe I just need to get really drunk. Often The Editor has less to say when I'm exhausted or wasted.

The irony is that the stuff in my life is hindering my writing and the lack of writing is disrupting the rest of my life. When things are going really badly I write all the time. Conversely, when things are going swimmingly, I don't write because I'm caught up in everything that's going on and I'm generally having too much fun to isolate myself and write.

Right now I'm stuck somewhere in the middle. I'm not upset enough to have anything to work out, but I'm not happy enough to be distractable...

On a side note, I came out of my apartment today and saw posters up that my neighbors cat has gone missing...This is the struggle I have with indoor vs. outdoor cats; I hate that my cats sometimes look outside so longingly, but at the same time, it's just not that safe out there...

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The Green Mountain State, Vermont

September 2009

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